I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol wa... - George Carlin

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."

"How is it possible to have a civil war?"

"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."

"It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot."