More quotes by George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."