More quotes by George Carlin

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."