"I went to Hallmark, but they don’t sell corridors there. I did, however, find a card that perfectly summed up our relationship. The card was blank."
"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."
"You don’t need to have a fight before great sex. I can keep my cool and still bring the heat every time."
"We had a whirlwind romance. That’s what happens when you date a tornado. Hold on, I have to stop tweeting for a bit because Kansas keeps calling."
"I can't throw away cologne because that is Nostalgia in a Bottle, the scent of yesterday, and it reminds me of her more clearly than her picture."
"Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics."