I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because... - Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.
"I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out."
"I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."
"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."
"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."