"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."
"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"
"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."
"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."
"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."