Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."

"I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out."

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"This book comes with its very own logo (logo sold separately)."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."