"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."
"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."
"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet."
"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."