"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"Our love was covered in fur, yet I was the only one who wanted to pet it."
"When I’m in a relationship, I love like a burrito. And if you’re a taco, don’t talk to me. At our core we may seem similar, but trust me, we are two different items on the menu."
"Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three thermoses to contain it. And if it did get contained, would you drink my love black, or would you add cream and sugar?"
"Napoleon made war like I make love—from a height of about 68 centimeters. (I wear platform shoes while I’m on my knees)"
"The only thing I could love more than you is two of you. And I suppose three."