If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you... - Steven Wright

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."