If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you... - Steven Wright

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."