More quotes by Steven Wright

"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."
"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."