More quotes by Steven Wright

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."
"What's another word for thesaurus?"