More quotes by Steven Wright

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."
"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."