I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea... - Steven Wright

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote"so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote."