I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea... - Steven Wright

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."