More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."
"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."