More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."