More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."
"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."
"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"