I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."

"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."