More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."
"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"
"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."