More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."
"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."