"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."
"Instead of sidewalks, why not sideruns? After all, the pace of life is faster than it has ever been, so I think our infrastructure’s nomenclature should reflect that."
"I used to think how lucky she was to have me, but now I realize that’s backwards. A spirit of gratitude yields patience, love, and forgiveness."
"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."
"Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff."