"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"I always wear roller skates when I ride my bicycle. The more wheels the better, and that's what makes me a better lover. You know you want to go for a spin. I'll bring the record player, if you bring 1982 and her little sister, Elton John."
"I knocked on her door twice. The second time was from the inside. That’s how love works. At first you want in, and then you want out."
"I used to gorge on gorgeous women, but now I look for things that can’t be seen with the eyes, but are only detected by the heart. This is love."
"Mannequin parts disassembled and discombobulated coming together for a good cause—to sell some clothes. That’s what charity is all about."
"I let coffee drip into my mouth the same way I fall in love—slowly, as I wring out my shirt before going to scrub off the 32-ounce spill. I’m as romantic as a free-refill station that’s out of sugar, cream, and stirring sticks."