If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. - Woody Allen

"I read in self-defense."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."