Woody Allen

"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."

"Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine."

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."

"To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ."

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."