Woody Allen

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

"To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition."

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it."

"There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope."

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."