More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."
"The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt."
"Read her poetry before you make love to her. That way she’ll be asleep when you do. I’m as romantic as a rocking chair with wheels."
"Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire."
"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."