"I’m a romantic. I like cold coffee and orgasms that arrive fifteen minutes after I’ve put on my clothes and paid the lady."
"I don’t need love. I live in a forest. The quiet is my companion. The cold is my warmth. My heart once suffered from frostbite, but I removed and replaced it with a fuel pump."
"About adultery: Don’t go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home."
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"I lost my faith in my faithlessness. I believe I’m a nonbeliever now."
"Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three thermoses to contain it. And if it did get contained, would you drink my love black, or would you add cream and sugar?"