Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab... - Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

"I left my phone number on a napkin, along with trace amounts of spaghetti sauce and garlic bread grease, hoping she’d call me. And when she didn’t, I panicked and filed a missing person’s report with the police."

"I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir."

"About adultery: Don’t go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home."

"I am the Guillotine of Love, and I will never lose my head over another woman again."

"I found your love like I found religion: in an aluminum trashcan in the middle of the Utah desert."