More quotes by George Carlin

"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."
"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."