"I’m learning to play the saxophone so when you feel lonely I can come over and stand in the shadows and play it for you. Two is one too lonely for me."
"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."
"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."
"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"She cuts me deep with her words, with her withholding of words, and with her knife. I’m not sure which is the most painful."
"Self-growth comes from being nurtured, not tortured. I had to learn this the hard way. On sale now: Iron Maiden. Only used once."