"I'm offering you love on a stick. If you'd like, you can grab it to go. It’s like a popsicle, only it won’t melt if you put it through hell like you did with you last boyfriend."
"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."
"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."
"We made love like flamingoes are pink. You know what else was pink? My cheeks, because I was so embarrassed when I found out that she was the wrong woman."
"Poor is the man who thinks money makes him wealthy. Love is the true treasure, and the more you give away, the more you have."
"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."