#surreal

"I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life."

"I use two yards of wrapping paper per one inch of present. Luckily I gave you the gift of love, so I was able to wrap it in tinfoil. Uncover before reheating."

"She wants to teach me to dance, but how do you instruct water to flow? I'm so fluid all you can do is swim in my moves and drink my essence."

"I have a tongue like a rose petal, and when I say I love you, it has the fragrance of truth. My words are my garden, and I’m planting our future."

"I sip my coffee like I fall in love—alone in a field of flowers, writing poetry for the mailman, who delivers love letters, but never gets any."

"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."

"I observe Stand Still Day. I also observe whatever I’m standing in front of at the time. I hope on that day I see how much you love me."

"To be invisible, paint yourself with the direct shade of zero. Leave nothing to chance, by taking nothing with you wherever you go."

"I just bought a bag of poetry, but it was mostly air. The author must have learned from the potato chip industry."

"I didn’t give her my full attention. The bottle was half full when she started drinking. Still, from it she grew distracted, so my farming technique worked."

"Gold is liquid sunlight frozen in time, and that’s why I love the way ice melts in vodka. I also love the way ice melts in vodka. I’ll have another shot, if you’ll reload the revolver."

"77 degrees in the fall feels cold, and 77 degrees in the spring feels hot. That’s why I’m selling year-round-nudity for half-price."

"The cat hair floated in the air like a sound vibration, and I plucked it like a guitar string. Sometimes I can be so musical I’m like a living love song."

"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."

"I am so extreme that I do parkour like a caterpillar gyrates. My movements are slow and methodical, but eventually my free running takes flight. I love the same exact way, and my romance has the essence of a butterfly."

"I love British humor. It's just so - surreal."

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."