More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."