More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."
"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."
"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."
"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"