More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."
"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."