"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."
"I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit."
"The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger."
"Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists."
"My coffee gets increasingly better the more I drink and the closer I come to the bottom of the cup, where all the sugar is. I wonder if life is the same way as we approach the end."
"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."