More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch."
"One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so my mortality is on my mind."
"Back when I was a competitive swimmer, I used to dream of going to the Olympics. But then I changed my mind, once I found out how expensive the tickets are."
"The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there."
"As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon."