More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."