More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."
"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."
"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."