More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."
"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"
"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."