More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."