More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."