More quotes by Steven Wright

"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."