More quotes by Steven Wright

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."