I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. - Steven Wright

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."