More quotes by Steven Wright

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"What's another word for thesaurus?"
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."
"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."