More quotes by Steven Wright

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."