More quotes by Steven Wright

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."