More quotes by Steven Wright

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."
"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."