"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote"so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote."
"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."