More quotes by Steven Wright

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote"so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote."
"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."