More quotes by Steven Wright

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."
"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."