More quotes by Steven Wright

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."
"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."
"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."