In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it w... - Steven Wright

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."