More quotes by Steven Wright

"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"