More quotes by Steven Wright

"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."