The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars,... - Steven Wright

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it."