In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever yo... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."

"I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less."

"We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso."

"The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there."

"Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball."