"In the morning I brush my teeth with hope, and at night before bed I brush them with defeat. Both are mint flavored, so I try not to get them mixed up."
"I had an out-of-body experience so strange that it felt normal. You see, my soul, or essence, had left my body and went and inhabited the body of my clone. So I wasn’t in my body, and yet I was. Or maybe none of that happened, and I was just in a delirious, sleep-deprived state."
"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%."
"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."
"I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off."
"I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more."