God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more."

"In the morning I brush my teeth with hope, and at night before bed I brush them with defeat. Both are mint flavored, so I try not to get them mixed up."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."