God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"I was seen spotted with an older woman and a girl half my height in age. A leopard was also spotted."

"I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I also replaced the doors with metal detectors, so I could fondle you more efficiently, like the highly trained professionals do who run airport security."

"I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now."

"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%."

"I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers."