More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely."
"Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave."
"I have all the things I need to succeed in life, including a bucket of unicorn urine."
"A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back."
"I can read lips. Especially if they have words tattooed on them."