"It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless."
"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."
"Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?"
"I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers."
"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!"
"I was seen spotted with an older woman and a girl half my height in age. A leopard was also spotted."