"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."
"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."
"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."
"My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?"
"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."