Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you.... - Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

"I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor."

"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."