"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."
"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."
"No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."
"I wish success could be ordered like delivery pizza, because I’d order take out."