"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."
"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."
"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"
"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."
"This book comes with its very own logo (logo sold separately)."
"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."